MONUMENTAL THEATRICAL COCK-UPS

 

Interesting performance of NO BLACKS, NO DOGS, NO POLES last night. Our black box technician fail to put in an appearence for the start of the show! The first act was performed without lighting/music cues – not that it affected the performances- or the audience’s enjoyment, it seems! Fortunately he appeared for the second act, so normal service was resumed. Well done to the cast!
Last week this week – DON’T MISS IT!!

Sky Leith says;  Once I was performing at the Las Vegas Hilton, in one of those tacky mega-productions complete with an onstage volcano, 50 topless women, and elephants. The star elephant, Tanya, was doing a handstand on a revolving platform during her solo act, and chose this moment to relieve herself. A fountain of pee, as if from a garden hose, drew a large wet circle on the stage as her platform rotated. The show, of course, went on.

Danny Kaye in the musical TWO BY TWO; . singing a love song to his ‘wife’ while sitting on a rock together, she wiggled uncomfortably all through this wonderful song he sang to her … when the song was over, she turned her back to the audience, laughing and rolling her eyes – he had complete unzipped her dress while singing to her.

My own favourite comes from St Nicholas, being performed at the BUSH THEATRE by Brian Cox. Brian comes on stage and after less than 10 minutes he ‘dries’. He speaks to the audience; ‘I am sorry ladies and gentlemen but my mind’s gone blank. Would you mind if I left the stage for a moment?’ He leaves the stage and returns in a few minutes, starts from the beginning again, and sails through the performance as if nothing had happened. What a professional!

Émigré

Émigré

 To the other side of the universe

I emigrated

I wanted to see how the other half lived.

Well…I needn’t have bothered;

The services are no better

The trains are never on time

The postman never rings twice

( I know – he should always ring twice,

But I think he was a bit confused)

And there’s a bloody bus on top of a roof,

Just like that one in Bexhill

 

 

FAMILY PLANNING

    

           FAMILY PLANNING

           You English have it:

            A plan for life I mean

            Sex, marriage even,

            A mortgage at nineteen.

            Holidays in Benidorm

            Or that Costa by-the sea.

            And two point five children

            That grandma minds

            Most weekends for free.

 

 

 

EBOOKS GROW ON TREES

Oh yeah?  And I flew over the cuckoo’s nest last night!

It’s a strange title; actually it’s a website, where you can promote your ebooks. For a fee, naturally.  One day costs 20 bucks; 5 days 60 bucks. 5 days sounds a good deal, huh; that way you only lose 12 bucks a day!

Obiously you don’t promote the book yourself, they do the promoting for you;

1…Book featured on the eBooks GROW ON TREES website
2…Book featured in the eBooksGOT Newsletter, emailed daily​                                                                                                                3…Book mentioned on Twitter, daily
​4…Book m
entioned on Facebook, daily

Hmm…a couple of those you could do yourself, so in theory you could save yourself 50% of your outlay!

Now, selling prices; you have 3 options; FREE, 99c, $2.99

Hmm…I’m going to run that by myself one more time; let’s say I choose the FREE option for 5 days; say I sell 100 books during that period.

total outlay $60….total returns $0.00

Even with the 99c option you are going to have to sell over 60 books just to break even

Yeah, that’s a good deal – a sure-fire winner.  OR IS IT LOSER

PERHAPS IT SHOULD BE RE-NAMED THE MONEY TREE!

MARCHING

   

 

            MARCHING

           Hey, conveyor stop your motion

            You tread on ice and leave an ocean

            Once you lay in slumber deep

            What was it that broke your sleep?

 

            Standing on this moving shoal

            I still can’t see my aging soul

            Where you come from none can tell

            Where you’re bound for must be hell

 

            Did you, were you, will you, can you?

            We in darkness bleed upon you

            Babylon has come and gone

            And still your engine thunders on

 

THE NIGHT THE MUSIC DIED

               

THE NIGHT THE MUSIC DIED

           He lay in the box quite comfortably

            His waxen face staring into infinity

            Looking much better in death

            Than he ever had in life.

            It was all that I could do to peer

            At him through slatted fingers

            From the back of the room;

            The ever-present smell of tanning

            And leather aprons absent now;

            More than forty seeping years of it

            Scrubbed away one last time

 

            His moped – a natural progression from pedal power

            When his legs gave out –

            Lay discarded in the coal shed

            At the back of the house.

            (No driver you see, and mother still had the shopping to do)

            He dug turf, cut down young Sally trees,

            And turned over his bit of stony ground endlessly.

            In summer he clipped sheep slowly

            With a machine bought by post from Clerys,

            Carefully stowing it away in its box

            When the shearing was done.

 

            The clay pipes he sucked on – their broken stems

Held together with blood pricked from his thumb –

            Were redundant now

            And his three bottles of Sunday-night Guinness

            Would stand corked under the counter evermore.

            Who would dance half-sets with her now?

            My mother enquired of no one in particular,

            The smoky saloon bar stunned that the music had felled him

            Knocked him to the floor in the middle of the tune.

            He lay there with a smile on his face

            Knowing it was over

            And I never got to know what was on his mind.

 

            We put him in the ground

            And sadness trickled through me

            Like a handful of sand through my fingers.

            Later, everyone stood around

            Eating sparse ham sandwiches

            While I stood there, dry-eyed;

            He was a great man they all said

            Slapping the back of my overcoat;

            Sure he gave forty years to that tannery

 

            And what did it give him?

            I wanted to shout to the throng;        

            A gold watch and a tin tray

            And both had his name spelled wrong

 

 

REVIEW

Reviewed in the IRISH WORLD yesterday.

Image

view all my published books @ http://www.amazon.co.uk/Tom-OBrien/e/B0034OIGOQ/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1388083522&sr=1-2-ent

 

I KNOW WHY THE CAGED BIRD SINGS

I know why the caged bird sings, ah me,
When his wing is bruised and his bosom sore,
When he beats his bars and would be free;
It is not a carol of joy or glee,
But a prayer that he sends from his heart’s deep core,
But a plea, that upward to Heaven he flings –
I know why the caged bird sings

 

Maya Angelou has died. Poet, activist, actor, writer,dancer, cook and much more besides. She joined the Harlem Writers Guild in the late 1950’s, where she met her friend and mentor James Baldwin. After hearing Dr. Martin Luther King speak for the first time in 1960 she joined the Civil Rights Movement, and later worked for Malcolm X.

Maya wrote seven volumes of autobiography, starting with I KNOW WHY THE CAGED BIRD SINGS, and described her writing process as ‘regimented’. She would get up at five in the morning and check into a hotel room, where the staff had been instructed to remove any pictures from the walls. She wrote on legal pads while lying on the bed, with a bottle of sherry, a deck of cards to play solitaire, Roget’s Thesaurus and the Bible, and would leave by the early afternoon. She averaged 10–12 pages of material a day in this manner, which she then edited down to three or four pages in the evening. Tough going!

Maya is put here

 Who will sing the praises of the poets now?

who the deeds of men?

with Maya dead the muses are silent

The caged bird sings

with a fearful trill

of things unknown

but longed for still

and his tune is heard

on the distant hill

for the caged bird sings of freedom

Impressions of poverty

criticaldispatches's avatarCritical Dispatches

Our national epic has yet to be written – James Joyce

If you’ve ever listened to the song Running to Stand Still from U2’s Joshua Tree album you will have heard about the Irish town of Ballymun in the lyric “I see seven towers but I only see one way out.” Located on the northern periphery of Dublin city, Ballymun was at one time Ireland’s largest and – at least as much as my own experience has led me to hold – most unattractive public housing estate. Hastily conceived through a confluence of public and political pressure in response to a housing crisis in Dublin in the early 1960’s, the Ballymun Housing Project was missioned with providing relief from the wholly unsatisfactory conditions of the collapsing inner city slums for the region’s poorest and most desperate. Upon the project’s completion in 1966, the Ballymun estate featured seven fifteen-story tower blocks…

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TIME

 

         

 

TIME

 Time, so they tell me,

Is a precious commodity;

Nowadays I own lots of it

(ever since the steelyard gates clanged shut)

I wonder how much a few weeks of it

Would fetch at Christies?

 

From my new collection of poetry ’67’, now avauilable @  http://www.tinhuttalespublishers.co.uk/67/