I’m famous for being fat.

(Well, I used to weigh thirty five stone)

I realized that I was different

When a taxi driver

Suggested I hire a crane

To get myself home.


Fame comes packaged in every shape and size

I can’t walk down the street now

Without being recognized

People stopping to stare,

There goes that…that



But fame has its downside, let me tell you

And not least the ‘reality’ the TV men want to sell you

Up at the crack, feeding the camera till noon

Then a trip to the trick-cyclist

(And meet others who howl at the moon)

It’s all in the mind apparently, this eating lark

Then off for more fun with the TV men

Nibbling grass in the park.


Alas, now I’m smaller, the adulation has gone

Not half the man he was… All skin and bone

Nineteen stone men are ten a penny, it seems

When it comes to newsworthiness on our TV screens.

But if you weighed half a ton, said the last one,

We could make you bigger than Andy Fordham!

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