LIFE AINT WOT IT USED TO BE (continued)

Scene 5

LIONEL: (in spotlight)                                                                                               My mother was forty-nine when she had me. Or so she said! Or was it forty-one? Anyway, by that time she had very little strength left to give me the affection and love I craved.  I remember sitting by the piano as a boy, playing tunes to make her smile. But she was too tired to even clap. Not only was I deprived of love, I had no money either, so you can imagine when I hit it really big with Oliver, the novelty of being wealthy was more than I could cope with. Trouble is money doesn’t automatically bring love, does it? And I needed love. So I thought I could buy it.

John Gorman appears in another spot. They both sing a verse of ‘Can’t Buy Me Love.

BOTH:                                                                                                                           Can’t buy me love, love
Can’t buy me love

I’ll buy you a diamond ring my friend
If it makes you feel alright
I’ll get you anything my friend
If it makes you feel alright
‘Cause I don’t care too much for money
For money can’t buy me love

LIONEL:

I wish I had written that. Not bloody Lennon.

JOHN:

Don’t forget McCartney.

LIONEL:

They wrote that in Alma’s flat you know. In fact I think she helped.( Pause}                   

Money can’t buy me love.

JOHN:

You bought plenty of other stuff though. You’ve always been chasing something, Lionel. Love, fame, money… but you’ve already got more than most people ever dream of. You had four fancy cars at one stage. And a chauffeur-driven limo. Not to mention that palace in Chelsea.

LIONEL:

Aye. The Fun Palace. Money was no object and I had this desperate need to be loved. And I used to think that giving someone an expensive present was a foolproof way of buying their affection. Today, of course, by some irony the situation is reversed. I’m so broke it is they who are giving me the gifts. The worst thing about being bankrupt John, Is having no…money! It really pisses me off. In fact, I was so pissed off this morning that I wrote this new song – Bankruptcy Blues.

He hands john a copy of the lyrics and they sing it, with Lionel on piano

BOTH:

Bankruptcy Blues”
(In the style of Lionel Blair)

(Verse 1)
Oh, the bills came knocking, and the debts piled high,
The bank said, “Sorry, love, but now it’s goodbye!”
I once had a fortune, now I’ve got naught but air,
But I’ll tap-dance through the chaos, ‘cause I just don’t care!

(Chorus)
It’s the Bankruptcy Blues, oh, what a lark!
I’m singing in the dark, though the future’s not so stark.
With a wink and a grin, I’ll let the troubles slide,
For every cloud’s got a silver lining inside!

(Verse 2)
The creditors are calling, but I’m out of sight,
I’m waltzing through the ruins, keeping spirits light.
They took my car, my house, and my fancy yacht,
But they’ll never take my joy—oh no, they cannot!

(Chorus)
It’s the Bankruptcy Blues, oh, what a show!
I’m down, but not out, and the world will know.
With a twirl and a spin, I’ll rise from the ash,
For life’s a grand performance, and I’m here to sashay!

(Bridge)
So here’s to the dreamers who’ve lost it all,
Who’ve stumbled and fallen but still stand tall.
Bankruptcy’s a chapter, not the end of the book,
With a song in my heart and a hopeful look!

(Final Chorus)
It’s the Bankruptcy Blues, oh, what a ride!
I’ll take it in my stride, with my pride as my guide.
With a laugh and a song, I’ll turn the tide,
For life’s a stage, and I’m still on the bright side!

(Outro)
So raise a glass to the ups and the downs,
To the smiles and the frowns, and the spins and the rounds.
Bankruptcy’s a dance, and I’m leading the way,
With a twinkle in my eye, I’ll steal the day!

JOHN:

There’s still life in the old dog eh! (pause) When you mentioned the Fun Palace back there, something that’s been bothering me for ages came to mind. Where did that name come from?

LIONEL thinks for a moment

LIONEL:                                                                                                                       The Fun Palace? It was something that Joan – Joan Littlewood – wanted to set up. An avant-garde theatre scene of the 1960s. A sort a visionary project conceived by Joan  and architect Cedric Price, designed to be a dynamic, interactive cultural space that blurred the lines between art, technology, and community.                               Although it was never fully realized, it remains a symbol of radical creativity and innovation. It was never built due mainly to financial and logistical challenges.   Joan’s Fun Palace was supposed to be this grand, revolutionary thing. Mine? Just a fancy house with too many rooms and not enough love.                                     (laughs) I just nicked the name for my place!

Lionel visualises a conversation between himself and Joan

JOAN:
(gesturing wildly)
Imagine it, Lionel—a place where art, science, and community come together. No  

LIONEL:
(skeptical)
Sounds like a pipe dream, Joan. How are you going to pull it off?

JOAN:
(grinning)
With a little help from my friends. You in?

LIONEL:
(laughing)

If you build it Joan, they will come! (to the audience)
Life’s a stage, and I’m still dancing. Even if the music’s stopped.

End of scene

Scene 6
LIONEL:(to the audience)                                                                                           When I was a young kid in the East End, there was a sweet shop opposite our house where you could get a chocolate bar with a toffee in it for a penny. It was called ‘Oliver’, and the wrapper around it had a picture of a lad asking for more. I never forgot that image. And then I saw that film by David Leon…

John Gorman appears

JOHN:                                                                                                                       Yeah. Oliver. I was there too, remember? We had bunked off from our National Service to see it. I remember you sayin’ you had never even read Oliver Twist back then.

LIONEL:                                                                                                                           I still haven’t got round to it.

JOHN:                                                                                                                         How can you write a play about a book you haven’t even read?


LIONEL:                                                                                                                      Easy peasy. I was reading an article one night recently about how Dickens had gone about writing it, and it hit me—this story was meant to be sung. The characters, the drama, the heartbreak… it was all there, just waiting for a tune

He plays and sings at the Piano. Alma Cogan comes in during this and joins in

LIONEL:

I’ve already written a few (sings’ Food, Glorious, Food’) 

 Is it worth the waiting for?
If we live ’til eighty four
All we ever get is gru…el!
Ev’ry day we say our prayer —
Will they change the bill of fare?
Still we get the same old gru…el!
There is not a cust, not a crumb can we find,
Can we beg, can we borrow, or cadge,
But there’s nothing to stop us from getting a thrill
When we all close our eyes and imag…ine

Food, glorious food!
Hot sausage and mustard!
While we’re in the mood —
Cold jelly and custard!
Pease pudding and saveloys!
What next is the question?
Rich gentlemen have it, boys —
In-di-gestion!

Food, glorious food!
We’re anxious to try it.
Three banquets a day —
Our favourite diet!

Just picture a great big steak —
Fried, roasted or stewed.
Oh, food,
Wonderful food,
Marvellous food,
Glorous food.

source: https://www.lyricsondemand.com/soundtracks/o/oliverlyrics/foodgloriousfoodlyrics.html                                                                                                                                                       

LIONEL:
There’s a lot more, but It goes something like that.

ALMA:
A musical about a workhouse boy? Lionel, are you sure this will work?
LIONEL:
It’s not just a workhouse boy. It’s a story about survival, hope, and the power of love. And I feel it’s going to be a hit. (Pauses) What if they hate it though? What if I’ve made a terrible mistake?
JOHN:

Relax, Lionel. You’re creating something extraordinary. Just wait and see.

LIONEL:

Alma, I was thinking of asking you to maybe play the part of Nancy. You know who Nancy was?

ALMA:

(laughing) Of course I do. Not like you, I read the book. She was Bill Sykes girlfriend

LIONEL:

Yes, she was. Nancy is one of the most complex and compelling characters in Oliver!, She plays a crucial role in the story, embodying themes of loyalty, love, and sacrifice. Here’s a bit of a scene I am working on with Nancy and  Oliver. Let’s read it together.

He hands her a sheet of the script.

LIONEL:

I’ll be Oliver. (then he looks at John and hands him a page) You can be Bill

LIONEL:(reads) A dimly lit room in Fagin’s hideout. Nancy is sitting alone, holding a shawl. Oliver enters, looking scared.

OLIVER:
(softly)
Nancy?

NANCY:
(smiling)
Oliver. Come here, love.

LIONEL reads. ‘Oliver sits beside her, and she wraps the shawl around him’.

NANCY:
You’re safe now, Oliver. I won’t let anything happen to you.

OLIVER:
(tearfully)
But what about Bill? He’ll hurt you if he finds out.

NANCY:
(softly)
I know, love. But some things are worth the risk.

(She begins to sing As Long As He Needs Me, her voice filled with emotion.

NANCY:
(singing)
As long as he needs me…
Oh, yes, he does need me…
In spite of what you see…
…I’m sure that he needs me.

Who else would love him still
When they’ve been used so ill?
He knows I always will…
As long as he needs me.

I miss him so much when he is gone,
But when he’s near me
I don’t let on.

As she finishes, Bill Sikes enters, his face dark with anger.

BILL:
(grabbing Nancy)
What do you think you’re doing, Nancy?

NANCY:
(defiantly)
I’m doing what’s right, Bill. For once in my life, I’m doing what’s right.

BILL:
(angrily)
You’ll regret this, Nancy.

He drags her away as Oliver watches, helpless. The lights dim as the scene fades.

LIONEL:

That’s far as I’ve got. What do you think? Are you up for it?

ALMA:

I don’t know. You know how I hate being tied down to anything – or any place – for too long.  I’m a singer Lionel. I like variety. A new place every week. A long run is just not my scene. (pause} Look at Fings Aint Wot they Used To Be. It’s already been running over six months in the West End. And they say it’s sold out for the rest of the year. And it ran for over a year at Stratford East before that.

LIONEL:

And you could have been part of it Alma. Instead, Barbara Windsor is getting all the attention.

ALMA:

Like I said, I don’t think it’s me.
LIONEL:

You might come to regret it. I just have a feeling that this is the big one.

ALMA:

(smiles and sings)

Que Sera Sera, whatever will be will be

The future’s not ours to see, Que Sera Que Sera.

End of scene

KATHY KIRBY: ICON

https://youtu.be/8sV_c0Pbm50

Discovered and mentored by the great band leader Bert Ambrose, Kathy Kirby was groomed in the image of his ideal woman – a kind of late 1950s hybrid of Marilyn Monroe and Diana Dors, with crisply styled peroxide hair and startlingly glossy red lips. Ambrose’s concept was dated even by the time Kirby became a major television star on the strength of her early 1960s appearances inStars and Garters. But somehow – largely thanks to a winning and cheerful personality that knew instinctively how to reach a television audience beyond the camera and, crucially, a voice of spectacular power and emotional force, which commanded attention whatever she was singing – she transcended the stylistic straightjacket he imposed on her.

As so often in the annals of show business, Kathy Kirby’s life eventually came to mirror the more dramatic lyrics of some of her songs. This, combined with the unique qualities of her voice, dusted her with an almost mythical fascination, long after her active career had waned.

Ambrose had given Kirby her first break as a teenager, employing her on a short contract as a vocalist for his dance band after she had persuaded him to let her sing for him at the Palais de Danse in Ilford when she was just 16, in 1954. She spent the next few years paying her dues on the club circuit, singing with Ambrose on and off, and gaining valuable show-business experience. But it was not until he became her manager and took control of her recording and television career that things really took off, culminating in hit singles and albums for Decca, and some hugely popular television series. Their relationship soon developed privately and they would be together until his death in 1971, an arrangement that would have disastrous consequences for Kirby.

A new play, KATHY KIRBY: ICON, running at THE WHITE BEAR theatre, Kennington, sets the record straight about Kathy’s life,both in and out of the glare of publicity.

Listen to an interview by the actress who plays kathy on BBC Radio London. The interview is apprx 2hrs 13mins into the programme

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p03412rf

28-09-2015 19;20;25

KATHY KIRBY THE MUSICAL

KATHY KIRBY – ICON @ The White Bear Theatre, Kennington, London… 20th Oct – 8th Nov.

BE THERE!

https://www.facebook.com/KathyKirbyIcon?notif_t=page_invite_accepted

28-09-2015 19;20;25BookCoverImage

book available in paperback on Amazon.

CROMWELL’S TOUR OF IRELAND

‘Cromwell’ started off as a joke. We were touring Ireland a couple of years ago with another of my plays ‘On Raglan Road’, and had just played in Dingle, Co. Kerry, where I had purchased a new biography of Oliver Cromwell’s time in Ireland. When somebody asked what my next play was going to be I replied ‘Cromwell The Musical’. Everybody laughed, including myself, but over the next few months there were several (joking) questions about ‘how is the musical coming on’, and I thought ‘ maybe I will surprise them all’. I did surprise them – myself included – by actually writing – and finishing – it!

Cromwell's Tour of Ireland - Courtyard Theatre Poster

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To Hell or to Connaught: that’s where Oliver Cromwell plans to send all Irish Catholics.

(The province of Connaught being perceived as little more than a collection of bogs and rocks, and of little use to English land-grabbers)

The year is 1649 and Oliver Cromwell is on the rampage in Ireland. His mission is to quell the Irish Catholic rebellion, with its growing support for English Royalists. Failure could mean a new Civil War in England. Not that he countenances failure; he has seen a vision – he truly believes he has God on his side.

Ireland’s only hope is Owen Roe O’Neill and his Ulster Army. O’Neill is a veteran of the Spanish Wars and is recognized as Ireland’s greatest soldier. Cromwell plans to ensure he doesn’t leave Ulster.

We see his journey through Ireland through his own eyes, those of his Puritan soldiers, and of two girls, Emir and Eithne, who, having been captured at the battle of Drogheda, are now being forced to work in the kitchens before being shipped off as slaves to the West Indies.

Emir is hiding a big secret; she is a spy for Owen Roe O’Neill’s Ulster army, She plans to poison Cromwell, little knowing that Cromwell’s own agents have a similar plan for O’Neill.

When Eithne is raped by one of the Puritan soldiers, both plan to escape and join the defenders at Limerick, where O’Neill’s Ulster army is making a last desperate stand.

PERFORMED IN MODERN DRESS – WITH A SPRINKLING OF MUSIC!

KATHY KIRBY – ICON

Image

Kathy Kirby had everything. A remarkable voice, stunning looks and was the highest paid female singer of the 1960s. So what went wrong? She stopped singing and became a recluse at the peak of her career, never performing in public again for nearly thirty years until she died in 2011.

Her rollercoaster life embraced a bit of everything – celebrity lovers, including an affair with Bruce Forsyth, a knife attack at her flat, a drug overdose, bankruptcy, alcohol abuse, admission to a mental hospital and a lesbian affair. She earned more than five million during her heyday – and her manager – and lover – Bert Ambrose spent it all for her.

My play KATHY KIRBY – ICON, a musical about her life, sold out its short run at The Camden Fringe Festival in 2012, where it received numerous 5***** reviews.  See   http://www.kathykirby.info/

Watch this space for news of further productions.

 

Visit my Amazon book page http://www.amazon.co.uk/Tom-OBrien/e/B0034OIGOQ/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1388083522&sr=1-2-ent