BLOODY SUNDAY

SOLDIERS                                                       

 BLOODY JOB

BLOODY SWINE                                                                          

BLOODY HARD WORK                              

BLOODY COUNTRY

BLOODY IRISH BASTARDS

BLOODY SUNDAY

BLOODY MONDAY AGAIN

    

 

I WILL KILL YOU AND GO

‘I do not have a mill with willow trees

I have a horse and a whip

I will kill you and go’

           Yamut tribesmen

    

 

 

 

MY SMASHWORDS INTERVIEW

   

Smashwords Interview with Tom O’Brien

What inspires you to get out of bed each day?
Today just might be the day the postman doesn’t ring twice! In other words, no rejections today. (THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE was Jame’s Cain’s best seller and its title was inspired by the fact that his postman always rang twice if he was delivering a rejected manuscript!)
When you’re not writing, how do you spend your time?
Reading mostly. To be a good writer you have to be an even better reader. Other writers fascinate me; how they put a book or play together;what it is about their work that makes it great; what I can learn from them. I am often in awe of how good some writers are.
How do you discover the ebooks you read?
I am an avid reader of reviews, be they in newspapers or online. They don’t necessarily have to be good reviews, just interesting. With certain writers I don’t even bother with the reviews; when a new book comes out I just know I will like it.
Do you remember the first story you ever wrote?
Yes, I do. It was a story about a security guard planning a robbery at a holiday camp ( I worked as a security guard at Pontin’s holiday Camp in Bracklesham Bay in Sussex at the time) and it was terrible. Complete rubbish! Needless to say it never saw the light of day.
 

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BUNKER ON PORTLAND BILL

 

BUNKER ON PORTLAND BILL

 This windowed concrete slab

Touching the hedgerows

Bunkered in leaf-strewn soil

Chivvies me

 

Muskets were reddened here

By shorter men than I

Defenders of a long-gone realm

Stooped between fissured ceiling and creviced floor

 

What mayhem bedlamed this rocky causeway?

Its cannons foddering the deep

The stun of steel slamming granite

The stench of gunfire turning stomachs

Loose limbs cluttering pathways

Death hovering

 

All quiet now on this promontory;

Sheep nibbling, tea and scones in the old armoury

Picture postcards of battles fought and won

Day-trippers picnicking

In the shadows cast by the big guns

 

 

JOINT ACCOUNT

 

JOINT ACCOUNT

Of all the joints in all the world

I had to wind up with this one.

Creaking and croaking

It pains when I am smoking

It pains when I am walking

It pains when I am talking.

I wonder if I should use some WD-40.

 

I bet Bogey never had this problem.

 

THE DEAFENING SILENCE

 

THE DEAFENING SILENCE

The silence is deafening

But then it always has been;

Deafening all my life, I mean.

It’s as if I’m not really there,

Although I am sure that’s not true.

Perhaps I am invisible to all

But a few true believers.

Are they possibly seeing what isn’t there,

And  also hearing the deafening silence?

read more of my poems in my new collection ’67’ – http://www.tinhuttalespublishers.co.uk/67/

 

MONUMENTAL THEATRICAL COCK-UPS

 

Interesting performance of NO BLACKS, NO DOGS, NO POLES last night. Our black box technician fail to put in an appearence for the start of the show! The first act was performed without lighting/music cues – not that it affected the performances- or the audience’s enjoyment, it seems! Fortunately he appeared for the second act, so normal service was resumed. Well done to the cast!
Last week this week – DON’T MISS IT!!

Sky Leith says;  Once I was performing at the Las Vegas Hilton, in one of those tacky mega-productions complete with an onstage volcano, 50 topless women, and elephants. The star elephant, Tanya, was doing a handstand on a revolving platform during her solo act, and chose this moment to relieve herself. A fountain of pee, as if from a garden hose, drew a large wet circle on the stage as her platform rotated. The show, of course, went on.

Danny Kaye in the musical TWO BY TWO; . singing a love song to his ‘wife’ while sitting on a rock together, she wiggled uncomfortably all through this wonderful song he sang to her … when the song was over, she turned her back to the audience, laughing and rolling her eyes – he had complete unzipped her dress while singing to her.

My own favourite comes from St Nicholas, being performed at the BUSH THEATRE by Brian Cox. Brian comes on stage and after less than 10 minutes he ‘dries’. He speaks to the audience; ‘I am sorry ladies and gentlemen but my mind’s gone blank. Would you mind if I left the stage for a moment?’ He leaves the stage and returns in a few minutes, starts from the beginning again, and sails through the performance as if nothing had happened. What a professional!

Émigré

Émigré

 To the other side of the universe

I emigrated

I wanted to see how the other half lived.

Well…I needn’t have bothered;

The services are no better

The trains are never on time

The postman never rings twice

( I know – he should always ring twice,

But I think he was a bit confused)

And there’s a bloody bus on top of a roof,

Just like that one in Bexhill

 

 

FAMILY PLANNING

    

           FAMILY PLANNING

           You English have it:

            A plan for life I mean

            Sex, marriage even,

            A mortgage at nineteen.

            Holidays in Benidorm

            Or that Costa by-the sea.

            And two point five children

            That grandma minds

            Most weekends for free.

 

 

 

EBOOKS GROW ON TREES

Oh yeah?  And I flew over the cuckoo’s nest last night!

It’s a strange title; actually it’s a website, where you can promote your ebooks. For a fee, naturally.  One day costs 20 bucks; 5 days 60 bucks. 5 days sounds a good deal, huh; that way you only lose 12 bucks a day!

Obiously you don’t promote the book yourself, they do the promoting for you;

1…Book featured on the eBooks GROW ON TREES website
2…Book featured in the eBooksGOT Newsletter, emailed daily​                                                                                                                3…Book mentioned on Twitter, daily
​4…Book m
entioned on Facebook, daily

Hmm…a couple of those you could do yourself, so in theory you could save yourself 50% of your outlay!

Now, selling prices; you have 3 options; FREE, 99c, $2.99

Hmm…I’m going to run that by myself one more time; let’s say I choose the FREE option for 5 days; say I sell 100 books during that period.

total outlay $60….total returns $0.00

Even with the 99c option you are going to have to sell over 60 books just to break even

Yeah, that’s a good deal – a sure-fire winner.  OR IS IT LOSER

PERHAPS IT SHOULD BE RE-NAMED THE MONEY TREE!