COLLECT TELEGRAM FROM A MAD DOG

HUNTER S THOMPSON ONLY WROTE ABOUT 3 POEMS IN HIS LIFETIME AS FAR AS  I CAN TELL. THIS IS THE BEST OF THEM

Collect Telegram from a Mad Dog
by Hunter S. Thompson

Not being a poet, and drunk as well,
leaning into the diner and dawn
and hearing a juke box mockery of some better
human sound
I wanted rhetoric
but could only howl the rotten truth
Norman Luboff
should have his nuts ripped off with a plastic fork.
Then howled around like a man with the
final angst,
not knowing what I wanted there
Probably the waitress, bend her double
like a safety pin
,
Deposit the mad seed before they
tie off my tubes
. . .

Suddenly a man with wild eyes rushed
out from the wooden toilet
Foam on his face and waving a razor
like a flag, shouting
. . .
We’ll take our vengeance now!
. . .

We rang for Luboff
on the pay phone, but there was
no contact
. . .

Get a Lawyer, I said. These swine have gone
far enough.
Now is the time to
lay a writ on them,
Cease and Desist
. . .

The legal man agreed
We had a case and indeed a duty to
Right these Wrongs, as it were
The Price would be four thousand in front and
ten for the nut.
I wrote him a check on the Sawtooth
National Bank,
but he hooted at it
While rubbing a special oil on
his palms
To keep the chancres from itching
beyond endurance
On this Sabbath.
. . .
Later, from jail
I sent a brace of telegrams
to the right people,
explaining my position.

    October 13, 1965

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