HUNTER S THOMPSON AIN’T DEAD!
A married couple in Florida, Tito and Amanda Watts, were arrested a few days ago for selling “golden tickets to heaven” to hundreds of people.
They sold the tickets on the street for $99.99 per ticket, told buyers the tickets were made from solid gold, and that each ticket reserved the buyer a spot in heaven — simply present the ticket at the pearly gates and you’re in.
Tito Watts said in his police statement: “I don’t care what the police say. The tickets are solid gold… And it was Jesus who give them to me behind the KFC and said to sell them so I could get me some money to go to outer space. I met an alien named Stevie who said if I got the cash together he’d take me and my wife on his flying saucer to his planet that’s made entirely of drugs. You should arrest Jesus because he’s the one that gave me the golden tickets and said to sell them. I’m willing to wear a wire and set Jesus up….”
Amanda Watts said in her police statement:” “We just wanted to leave earth and go to space and do drugs. I didn’t do nothing. Tito sold the golden tickets to heaven. I just watched.”
Police said they confiscated over $10,000 in cash, drug paraphernalia, and a baby alligator.