The first chapter of a book I am working on.
BIGMAC RIDES AGAIN
The minister for fun was angry. His cheeks had gone bright red he was so angry. Someone had stolen the games book. Now all the fun would have to be cancelled. No more four-legged races, no more snail marathons, no more trampoline highs, no more egg-and-spoon skating handicaps – in fact no more nothing. Without the book it was out of the question. He did the one thing he didn’t want to do. He sent for BIGMAC.
‘Size fifty four, sir, is…unusual.’ The little man in the Large Bodies department of Harrison and Tweed looked up worriedly. ‘You are very big’
‘Of course I am’ snapped BIGMAC. ‘It is my job to be big. It would look very silly if I was called BIGMAC and was only your size now, wouldn’t it’
‘Then get on with it man. I won’t bite you’
Although it looked as if he might. He pulled out a large turnip-shaped watch and shook it. ‘I sincerely hope this won’t take long. I have an appointment with the Minister for fun at precisely’… he shook the watch vigorously…’very soon’
‘I shall be finished in four shakes of a cat’s tail’
‘Lamb’s tail. The expression is five shakes of a lamb’s tail’ He continued to shake the watch.
‘Perhaps sir should invest in a new time-piece. I understand that the new ones give you not only the time, but also the weather forecast and the football scores’
‘Yes. I’ve seen them. Scattered rain and scoury showers. Arsenal 4, Leicester 1. I can’t be doing with all that nonsense’ He held up the watch.
‘Anyway, this isn’t really a watch. Oh, it tells the time – sometimes – and it is correct at least twice a day, but it’s not what you call a watch, as such’.
‘What would sir call it?’
‘It’s a…’ He looked at the little man suspiciously. ‘You mean you have never seen one of these…objects before?’.
The little man shook his head, and continued his walk around BIGMAC, watching the reading on his digital tape measure. Satisfied, he punched the reading into the tailoring machine. Continue reading